Friday, August 11, 2006

Rant:The Evolutionist Bible



The Book of (Abio)Genesis - Chapter One

In the beginning was a “burp,” and that “burp” contained nothing, yet it became something. That infinitesimal “burp” grew astronomically, and inflated to a bigger “blob.” Incidentally, that “blob” exploded, and produced hydrogen, and slowly, helium. Incidentally, the hydrogen and helium somehow fused to form higher elements, rocks, stars, galaxies and planets.

Miraculously, the rocks came alive, and magically, water was formed in the now expanded “burp,” also known as the "universe". Boys and girls, this is going to be complicated. If you think a frog turning into a prince is exciting, this one gets even better! This is the magic of SCIENCE.

Once upon a time, long ago and far away, the water married the rock and formed magical “goo.” Remember children, according to textbooks, it rained on the rocks for millions and millions of years. After millions and millions of years (and billions, trillions, zillions, quadrillions and abracadabradrillions of years), the “goo” decided to come alive. Somehow, that blend of exotic “goo” rearranged itself to form the first compact, self-replicating, self-repairing, immensely complicated polynucleotide strand. Accidentally, this strand somehow rearranged itself to provide all the information for life!

From that single polynucleotide strand came all the information for the formation of all the species you see all around you. Remember, boys and girls, all that information came accidentally from some of that “goo.”

Over time, that rock eventually evolved to a naked, hairless, bipedal, intelligent ape.

The ape was intelligent. It worked out a theory which describes its descent from plants, fish, amphibian, reptile and mammals. As indicated by this theory, the ape and the banana share a common ancestor. There was no Creator. Everything was an accident, and so was the ape.

One day, that ape decided that it had legal rights and civil rights. It decided that it had the right to lie, steal, rob, plunder, lust, crave, rape, fornicate, hate, and murder. So every ape did what was right in its own eyes. Remember boys and girls, goo has rights too!

In time, the ape discovered many other theories and called them “science.” These discoveries enabled the ape to destroy the ecosystems, and to construct “towers to heaven” for its own empire – also known as skyscrapers. So the apes were successful, but only the strongest ape survived. The rest of the apes became an economic liability.

All in all, the ape was proud of its many discoveries. But according to the history of science, the greatest discovery was this: The Theory of Evolution. Via this theory of evolution, that intelligent ape intelligently discovered its ancestor - the Rock. This theory also explains why some of these apes worship rocks, plants, trees and four-legged beasts. These rocks, plants, trees and four-legged beasts are, scientifically speaking, the ape’s ancestors. And the worship of these entities is called ancestral worship.

In summary, according to science, the rock became goo, which became you. This is the theory of evolution.

References:

Any textbooks on the following:

Big Bang theory
Inflation theory
Cosmic evolution
Stellar Evolution
Chemical evolution
Abiogenesis
Macroevolution

Anthropology

8 comments:

Jenson's Blog said...

I just listened to a Christian Radio programme here in London, UK. There was a debate between a guy from Biblical Creation Ministeries and a Government Minister (who advocated Evolution).

What struck me was that the government minister was trying to promote evolution as science and should be taught in schools. He claimed that creation should be classified as religion and be taught only in church.

I wonder if that type of situation is happening in Singapore?

vincit omnia veritas said...

Yes. It is happening in the US, and it is happening in Singapore, albeit more insidiously. For example, there was a series of public creation seminars in Singapore in 2004, which was organized by my previous church (Gethsemane BP Church). During that entire period, and also after that, there were frequent articles in both the papers and forums regarding those “religious fanatics” who were pushing for “myths” to be taught.

Christian scientists who dare to speak up against evolution in Singapore are those who have a very secure “wallet,” or those who are retiring or already retired.

Public schools here are a little better than those in US. At least teachers can “modify” their teaching syllabus without risk of being kicked out by school boards.

Mike Messerli said...

Great writing! Very well done.

And, yes, here in the USA it's all but over- the goo lovers have won. They have, for the most part, silenced those who believe in God and dare I say believe in miracles, although the story you tell sounds like a bigger miracle to me.

We continue to pray and teach our children that God is the creator of all, and many of us still believe the bible is literally true.

The so called sciences have shouted us down, and the monkeys have won, for now, but the creator will soon clear all of this confusion up, won't he?

Thanks for the great piece.

vincit omnia veritas said...

Thanks brother Mike for the encouragement.

Yes, we must pray that the Church of our beloved Savior will not succumb to science falsely so-called.

May the Lord continue to bless you as you serve Him. God bless.

Jenson's Blog said...

Do you notice that scientists are sometimes labelled as atheists who promote evolution?

At the place where I work, there are 3 groups with a total of about 30 scientists (Phd students or post-doctoral researchers, like myself). I have yet to find an atheist amongst us. My boss is Catholic, most of the rest will consider themselves Christian.

The problem, in my limited experience, is not the belief in the existence of God, but the indifference towards Him. That is why evolution has taken such a strong foothold in the scientific community.

vincit omnia veritas said...

Hi Jenson,

I do agree with your observations. There are indeed not many “convinced” atheists like Dawkins, but it is a pity that many professing Christians fail to see the theological inconsistencies as regards the theory of theistic evolution. Simple faith in God’s infallible and inerrant Word is the solution. There is no need to interpret the days as “periods of time,” or to insert gaps where there is none.

Mike Messerli said...

There is an interesting passage in Exodus 20 where God HIMSELF says, "I made it all in 6 days..."

I figure that by this time in history Moses and the jews coming out of Egypt knew what a day was, so this made perfect sense to them.

So, for me, I will believe the witness of the only one who was there to see creation...If he says he did it in 6 days that's ok with me.

I guess I am just a simplistic literalist.

vincit omnia veritas said...

Hi Pastor Mike,

I think you said it all! I believe there will be plenty of "simplistic literalists" up there in heaven.

As for me, I will believe what my heavenly Father tells me in His book.